oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
