Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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