Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I queefed so loud it echoed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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