remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
