Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
