Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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