Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
