I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
