no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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