the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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