You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
