how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
