Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
