My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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