Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
