I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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