I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
