I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
