She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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