your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I wear drunk well.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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