I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
