Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
