I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
