FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
