Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
