meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
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