Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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