went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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