you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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