quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
