okay pat passed out under dana's car
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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