Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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