We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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