I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
