yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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