I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
