I accidentally burped into my bong.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
