I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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