Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
