you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
