why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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