dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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