My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I need a beard to bite.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
