last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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