i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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