Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
