I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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