Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
