then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
