You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
